"May all their troubles be little ones, like (you know) the ones that make pitter-patter with their little feet."
My Dad, delivering these wishes to Ryan and I on our wedding night...
I couldn't resist running to give my Dad a hug when he delivered these words to us at our wedding. There has always been two things that I've truly wanted in my life, and a family was one of the two. Hearing my Dad express to a crowd of our loved ones that he too was wishing this for my husband and I, was far too sweet for me to contain myself. I was already dreaming of our future family. Envisioning their little feet making prints in the sand while we played at the beach, I could hear their little voices and had even already thrown around names with my husband that we thought could be fitting for our future "little troubles". I had enough experience with kids from my years teaching dance that I knew being a parent wouldn't be easy, and yet still I was sure that I was ready. I couldn't wait for the sleepless nights and the temper tantrums, the meltdowns and the lack of privacy so many parents speak of. I thought I was ready for whatever struggles came my way in the sense of parenting...but I hadn't prepared myself for the idea of how much trouble our "little troubles" would be even before we got the chance to meet them.
Two and a half years into TTC, month after month of riding the emotional roller coasters of varying degrees, the ovulation kits and pregnancy tests, the doctors appointments, the procedures and surgeries, the miscarriage, the secrecy at work and with friends and family, the specialists, the insecurities, the needles and hormones, the medications and special diets...I sometimes question if I've still got the fight in me to try for this dream. I worry that by the time I actually have a successful pregnancy, that I'll be worn out and tired, that I'll no longer have the energy to prepare organic meals, and read parenting articles, or research the best ways to aid early development in my children. I also worry that I'll hold resentment in some way towards these babies who took their sweet time in greeting us in this world, and caused my husband and I so many "little troubles" before they even arrived...but then I think of the act of parenthood itself. It's certainly not a glamorous job, yet it's fascinating to witness the love and selflessness parents are capable of providing for their children. When I think of how parents all over the world sacrifice big and small for their children just to see them live better lives and how raising good, kind young people feels like the simplest, yet most profound way to impact the world, I am reminded of why I've dedicated so much energy towards this endeavor. I am reminded why one day it will be worth the tears and missed vacations, the heartache and months from my life that might have otherwise been spent placing my energy on advancing my professional goals, as opposed to personal ones. Even when I look at my own parents and how many gray hairs I must have given them over the years, I am floored by their dedication and that they are still willing to claim me as their own. It's beautifully overwhelming and also inspiring.
So this brings me to the title of this blog post, a message for my little troubles: While the process to bring you into this world has been daunting at times, it's also been beautiful, because in the end it will have been to create you. It has brought your father and I closer together, and made us both more compassionate people (both for each other and the outside world). It has taught me to consider what other people might quietly be going through at any given time, and to appreciate the gifts I'm given when they do come. Essentially, it has all been worth it...
Soon after you come into this world, you will likely cause me wrinkles, even scars, a few extra gray hairs, and plenty of worry...and as you develop into your own person over the years it will be a joy only a mother knows, but those worries over you and your well being will likely only grow. Despite knowing all of this, I still say bring it on, because any troubles related to you being in the world I will view as little ones, "like (you know) the ones that make pitter-patter with their little feet".
"Most of you know that I've always called my daughter, Evelyn, my little Sweetie-Pie. She's always been my little Sweetie-Pie even before I heard the memorable sound of the pitter-patter of her little feet.
And now it gives me great pleasure that she has chosen a fine man like Ryan to be her life companion. So now I raise my glass to toast the newlyweds and I just wish them happiness and joy along with much humor and consideration and...
May all their troubles be little ones, like (you know) the ones that make pitter-patter with their little feet."
~My Dad